


Let it rain

by TheWildChild



Category: High School Musical (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Homophobia, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Slow Build, Slow Burn, apparently a lot of angst but i love it what can i do, sorry i don't know what to put here just yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24135661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWildChild/pseuds/TheWildChild
Summary: Chad and Taylor come back to his car after a night out, only to find Ryan nearby. Beaten up, drenched by the rain, he would have stayed there if it weren't for these helping hands. Hands he took without knowing it would change the course of their lives.[Takes place in between High School Musical 2 and High School Musical 3: Senior Year]
Relationships: Chad Danforth/Ryan Evans, Chad Danforth/Taylor McKessie, Troy Bolton/Gabriella Montez
Comments: 36
Kudos: 170





	1. Change in the wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> couple things:  
> \- i've been stuck at home since the 7th of march and not only am i going crazy despite it not really changing my daily routine, but i fell back down the old HSM hole and what it should have been aka Ryan and Chad's love story so here i am i guess  
> \- this takes place in between the second and third movie  
> \- this was supposed to be way longer but i decided the story should have a prologue first  
> \- english is not my first language so i'm sorry in advance  
> \- i'm irregular when it comes to updates so i'm sorry in advance  
> \- this was inspired by "let it rain", by Nichkhun, and it will be a plot device soon enough  
> \- do i imagine Ryan playing piano and singing his version of that song late at night, alone on the school's stage ? yes. spoiler

“Next time, I’m picking the movie,” Chad said, making Taylor laugh quietly.

“So that we’ll end up in front of what… Die Hard?”

“Okay, we will compromise, then.” He rolled his eyes before he smiled as well, letting go of her hand to pass his arm around her shoulders.

The couple had left the movie theatre earlier that evening after watching a romance movie that Chad had already forgotten the name of. Not what he would have picked, but he knew how to please Taylor. He had surrendered in exchange of picking what they’d eat afterwards. The taste of their pizzas was still there as they started walking hand in hand towards the school.

Chad had left his car on the parking lot, so that it wouldn’t be a pain to find where to park once at the movies. They didn’t mind walking anyway, despite being very different, they had a way of finding things to talk about. Lately, Taylor had noticed that Chad was quieter around her, somewhat a bit distant. But during night like these, he seemed back to his old self. She figured he wasn’t into displaying his affection too much, he wasn’t as tactile, as expressive as she could sometimes be, whether they were in a public place or not. But they had been doing just fine since they had started dating, so she didn’t worry about it all that much.

Chad’s old and oh so used car was already visible from where they were and they couldn’t wait to be in it. It had rained while they were eating and the weather was significantly worse than during the day. It was windy and cold, and all they wanted was to find the warmth of the car’s heater.

Chad let go of Taylor as they reached the car and he opened her door, acting gentlemanly as he gestured for her to get in. Smiling and about to laugh again, she approached the car but as she was about to sit in, she stopped, noticing something weird on the other side of the parking.

“Chad,” she said quietly. Her boyfriend’s smile faltered as he noticed her expression. He looked in the same direction, trying to find what had caught her attention.

From what they could tell, it looked like someone lying on the ground. They didn’t move at first, staring for a moment. The person didn’t seem to be moving.

“Should we do something?” Taylor asked, still on the same tone.

“I don’t know…”

It was Chad first answer. After all, they didn’t know if it was someone needing help. Actually, he couldn’t tell what kind of scenario this could be. He thought about the person maybe being homeless, but what if it was something different, dangerous? Again, it could be someone who fainted or… worse. Chad felt like they had no choice, really.

“I… Maybe–“

“We should at least make sure they’re okay,” she added. She closed the car door and walked around it. Chad quickly joined her.

“Wait, wait, wait,” he said quickly, putting his hand on her shoulder. He’d rather be right next to her, or in front of her. He sighed. She definitely was bold, that woman. They kept approaching, the shadowy figure becoming clearer and clearer as they got closer. It was a man, definitely. Finally, he pressed Taylor’s shoulder to tell her to stop.

“Be careful,” she whispered as Chad was now walking alone.

“Sir?” He called out.

* * *

Contrary to popular belief, Ryan wasn’t much of a complainer, never really had been. He wouldn’t deny being spoiled and lucky, but he wasn’t exactly a brat. Living in his twin’s shadow was often making him out to be worse than he actually was, as if they were exactly alike. And maybe, just maybe, he liked using that to his advantage sometimes.

But at the end of the day, he just didn’t really belong. Whether it was with her, or with the others. He had learned to know some of them more during the summer, and they had learned to know him more as well. Yet, he just felt like the odd man out. He wasn’t in on the jokes, he wasn’t really part of their group. They had danced together, prepared for the show, played baseball a couple times. That had been the best part, no matter how much he loved dancing and performing. Baseball, it had been different. He had been able to show that he wasn’t just the theatre kid, or Sharpay’s brother. He had other interests that people would have never thought of, other talents… his own personality.

He knew that Sharpay was ready to forget about him if she didn’t need him. She was a tad egocentric, his sister. She wouldn’t think of it as a big deal, she wouldn’t understand why Ryan could be hurt by that. She didn’t know a lot about empathy. But he knew that deep down, she wasn’t just the diva or the monster everyone else was portraying her to be, or that she was portraying herself to be… who knew, Ryan wasn’t sure Sharpay could tell the real her from the act anymore either. They had intertwined and she probably was a bit of both. Maybe he didn’t have the balls to be as merciless as her, and maybe she had just figured out what she needed to be and to do to get where she wanted.

He also didn’t know why, at the end of the day, he just went running back to her after that summer. He knew it wasn’t just because she gave him the trophy, because for once, she had thought of him.

Maybe he had just been afraid of being vulnerable next to other people. He had the chance to open up to some of them, and after doing so for what seemed to be too long of a moment, he had closed off again.

So when he found himself beaten to the ground that night, maybe he thought he deserved it, in some way. Maybe he could have been better; maybe he could have been different. Not Ryan Evans, just Ryan.

He knew it was stupid, he knew that these three guys were probably brain-dead. There was no reason, really. But he took it all. He didn’t try to escape once, he didn’t try to defend himself once. Thought it’d serve him well. Some sort of a punishment, maybe.

* * *

When he came back to his senses, it had started to rain. Maybe that’s what woke him up. He had turned, rolled on his side and found himself on his back. And he had just been staring at the night sky, he had just let the rain drench him and wash away the blood from his lips and nose. He had let the raindrops roll down his face, soak the shirt he had on, that was moving up and down with his chest. Until it stopped.

And everything stopped, and he didn’t get up. He didn’t reach for his phone, he didn’t ask for help. He got it coming, he thought to himself, he got it coming and it was bound to happen anyway. It was just stupid.

He didn’t even know how long he had stayed there, staring at the stars, wishing upon them. He just knew that time almost flew by, while still leaving him with the impression that he had been there all night long when a voice reached his ear. He didn’t make out what was told at first.

But soon enough, he heard his name. He only blinked, swallowed, tasted his own blood. He saw a familiar face above him, then another one. A soft hand on his chest, another one, firmer, on his shoulder. It hurt but he didn’t say anything. He made out their faces, he recognized Chad and Taylor, and without being able to form a sentence just yet, he let them help him get up.

Chad passed Ryan’s arm around his shoulders before passing his own around him. Taylor also picked up Ryan’s bag and hurried towards the car to open the back door. It was still kind of a blur to Ryan but soon enough, he was more comfortable. He would have rather been lying down, but it was enough. He heard doors closing he felt a presence next to him and soon, everything started to vibrate around him. The car had started and he finally opened his mouth. 

The first thing that came out was a cough, and he blinked as he looked down at his hand and the blood that was on it. He heard a whisper from Taylor, shocked by the events. He felt her hands on his arm, on his head, in his hair. He heard her question but he kept his eyes on his hand, wet by the rain, stained by his blood.

The voices became a bit louder and he finally looked up, catching Chad’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. That’s when he realized he could barely open one of them. He slightly shook his head.

“No… Don’t…”

“But Ryan… You need help,” Taylor said. He shook his head again.

“No hospital… please,” he said, his eyes slowly closing. Man, his head was hurting.

“We can’t just let you–“ Chad stopped, trying to regain his composure. He licked his lips; they had become dry because of the sudden overwhelming anxiety. At least, he was conscious and he could talk. “Fine. Let me take you to my place, then, alright? My mom’s a nurse.”

He was breathing hard, it hid his deep sigh. Yet, he nodded.

“Alright…” he was quiet, feeling exhausted. He closed his eyes again and let his head slightly roll on the side.

“Ryan, what happened…?” Taylor asked. He opened his left eye, the one that wasn’t turning an awful shade. He could see how worried she looked. Again, he slightly shook his head.

“Nothing… nothing happened.” Nothing he didn’t deserve.


	2. Ease

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is wayyyyy longer than i thought this would be (also way more serious). i thought about turning this into different chapters but... meh.
> 
> not sure when the next update is gonna be but i've already have a few notes for the next chapter  
> here's to hoping i'll finish this story hahaha  
> thank you for reading, leaving kudos and comments !! i truly appreciate it !

“Do you know what happened to him?”

Ryan felt the cold cloth against his face and for a moment, it was the best sensation he had ever known. The right side of his face was throbbing, burning, hurting. You’d think it would have passed after the last hour but it only felt like it was getting worse. Now that he was being taken care of, he was actually relaxing a little.

He was lying on a couch in a small living room and he slowly moved his hand to hold the towel against his injury. The woman’s hand left and he applied the pressure himself.

“He hasn’t said anything except that he didn’t wanna go to the hospital,” Chad said, looking down at Ryan.

“We just kept him awake, just in case,” Taylor added. Ryan’s left eye was moving back and forth as he looked at the three figures above him.

“I don’t have… I’m fine,” he finally articulated, hoarse.

“Honey, could you get him some water?” Ryan observed Chad leaving the room after his mother’s request. He tried to sit up, which only made the pain in his sides come back. He clenched his jaw hard, which only worsened the sensations in his face. Taylor had been quick, putting her hands on his back and his arm to try and help him.

“Maybe you should stay still…”

“I’m okay,” he said, even though no one was buying it. Maybe the ice was going to stop his bruise from swelling, but it wasn’t going to stop it from appearing.

“Ryan,” Chad’s mother said as she sat next to him. Ryan glanced at her, feeling suddenly uneasy. The questioning was coming. He had never met this woman, only seen her from afar. The realisation that he was setting foot in this house for the first time hit him along with the sensation that he was intruding, disturbing their quiet life.

He had only been at Gabriella’s, and even if they had gotten closer over the summer, this just didn’t feel right in any way. 

“You need to tell us what happened.” She sounded so sympathetic. “Did you know the person who did that to you? Did he get you by surprise?”

Oh, he could see her coming. He wasn’t calling the cops over this. He simply shook his head.

“It’s… nothing,” he sighed. “I just… they… I’d just like to leave this behind me.”

Taylor, concerned, suddenly got down in front of him, and she grabbed his free hand with both of hers.

“They? Ryan, how many… “ He met her eyes and, as if he was waiting for her to finish her question, he stayed silent for a moment. His lips twitched and even if his face was starting to get numb, he could feel the cut on his lower lip.

“Three,” he let out in a breath. Taylor’s expression became even worse and he felt ashamed. He looked away, noticing that Chad was back in the room. He was just standing there, stiff, a glass of water in his hand.

“What?” He let out. Ryan didn’t like the coldness of that tone.

“Look, really, I–“

“Stop saying that you’re fine!” Chad said, annoyed. “This is serious, man!”

Ryan looked down as he took a deep breath. He listened as Chad talked about needing to do something about this, and when the cops were finally mentioned, Ryan finally spoke louder.

“Chad, stop!” Silence fell. Ryan had let his arm down, his bruise being exposed to the others, and he was staring right back at Chad. It wasn’t a nice sight and they knew it would get worse in the next few hours. “Stop,” he repeated, sounding resigned now. “Look. I’m glad you guys found me. Really, I’m…” Finally, he was back to his normal self. He blinked quickly, looking down as if the words he was looking for were scattered on the floor. He couldn’t tell them that he wanted to be left alone. That when the other guys left him on the parking lot, he had actually been alone, and when the rain had hit his face, he hadn’t felt so bad after all. “I can’t do this,” he simply said.

Chad’s mother finally stood. She approached her son, put one hand on his arm as the other was taking the glass.

“I think what you need right now is to rest. You aren’t going anywhere tonight, you’re staying here,” she said as she approached, sitting back where she was and giving him the glass.

“I don’t want to impose,” Ryan quietly said, looking at the cold water.

“What are you talking about man…” Chad let out quietly, confused. Ryan didn’t answer, he instead just took a deep breath before he finally lifted the glass. He thought he would only take a sip, but he ended up emptying it.

“Now, let’s just all calm down,” Chad’s mother continued. “You haven’t got any other head injury and you seem to know what’s going on.” Ryan nodded. “Is there anything else I should look at?” This time, he shook his head.

“No, I’m good,” he simply said. Too quickly, he thought, but no one bothered him, no one insisted. He didn’t know if they believed him, he couldn’t tell. He didn’t know them. “Thank you Mrs. Danforth,” he simply said, still not able to look at anyone.

Chad glanced at his mother, then down at her left hand, before he himself looked down. 

“It’s alright sweetie.”

Ryan glanced at her. He tried to give her a hint of a smile, he could feel the corners of his lips slightly curl up, but that was it.

“Taylor, why don’t I drive you back home?” She then said, looking at the girl.

That’s when it hit both Chad and Taylor. Chad was supposed to drive her back home after their date.

“Shouldn’t I be doing that?” Chad asked.

“It’s no problem,” the woman said as she stood up. “Now come with me, and let’s find him something to wear.”

Ryan hadn’t said a word and observed as they walked away. That’s when he noticed how much taller Chad was compared to her. He watched him follow her directly, visibly whispering something, but it didn’t really matter. Taylor took Chad’s mother’s place by his side and he tried to give her a smile as well.

* * *

“I’m just saying, if anything happens…” Chad said as he leaned against the doorframe. They were now upstairs and his mother had walked right into Chad’s room to find a jogging and a t-shirt they could give Ryan. He was still in his wet clothes and she had seen traces of blood on it. She wanted him to get out of them as soon as he could.

“Nothing is going to happen,” she said as she shook her head. “He is in pain, but I don’t think he is risking anything, except maybe getting sick.” She closed the drawer she had been looking into after finding what she was looking for. “Now, he’ll probably be more comfortable with you than he would be with me, don’t you think?”

“Actually, I’m not sure,” Chad said as he shrugged, finally walking in the room to approach his mother. She turned around and gave him the clothes before he had time to say anything else.

“So you make sure that he is alright, and if he doesn’t want to talk about it, you do not force him, am I clear?” she asked.

“Yes, ma’am,” Chad said sarcastically.

“He shouldn’t keep this to himself, but it just happened,” she continued, approaching the wardrobe to open it and take a pillow that was at the bottom. “Some people need time before recounting traumatic events. Tonight, he probably just needs space.”

Chad hadn’t said anything, only staring at his mother’s back. Yeah, he knew that. And he also knew from where her mother knew all this. It definitely just wasn’t her intuition. He didn’t say anything, he kept his thoughts to himself. She finally walked towards the bed to put the pillow on it.

“Show him how to use the shower, would you? And while he’s in there, prepare his bed,” she instructed. Chad sighed as he put the clothes on the pillow. He wasn’t annoyed, he knew she was right, he knew what he had to do, and he would make sure that Ryan was alright. He just wasn’t sure that she was right about everything.

He didn’t think Ryan would be more comfortable with him than with his mother. On the contrary. But he kept it to himself. She would always have the last word.

Before going down the stairs, he passed his arms around her shoulder to stop her, and he gently kissed her temple.

* * *

“Careful on the road.”

Chad kissed his girlfriend on the cheek before closing the door behind her and his mother.

He kept his hand on the door handle for a few seconds, preparing himself to face the situation once again. He walked back to the living room and hid his hands in his pockets.

“Hey man, how you doing?” he asked Ryan who was staring into space. The theatre kid blinked and looked at him. The ice was back on his face and he looked exhausted. That’s only then that Chad paid more attention to his clothes. His mother was right, he couldn’t stay in those. Not only had they been soaked by the rain, they were dirty, not just because he had lain on the ground for who knows how long, but because of the blood that was on it. He wasn’t sure where it was coming from, though. His lips, his nose, maybe. He also had some on his hands. Chad figured he might have kept his hands on his face and then touched his shirt.

Ryan only nodded, as if he was trying to convince himself before even saying the words.

“I’m alright.”

“Really?” Chad asked, still approaching.

“I’ll be.”

There were a few seconds of silence. It wasn’t awkward, but they simply reflected on that for a moment. Chad wondered if Ryan was used to brushing aside this type of things, and Ryan thought that he had no choice but to be, as always.

“Um, I’ll show you how to use the shower, come with me,” Chad said. Now, they were awkward. Again, Ryan felt like an intruder. Chad wasn’t seeing things this way, but he had no idea what was going on in the other boy’s mind. He just knew he needed to clean up.

Ryan stood up slowly, trying not to wince. Chad wasn’t sure if he should be helping him again but Ryan didn’t ask. Somehow, he felt like it would only annoy Ryan. In the meantime, Chad picked up the other boy's bag. They got up the stairs and walked towards Chad’s bedroom, but Ryan didn’t enter. Chad put the bag on the floor, against the bed, and took the clean clothes Ryan would wear.

Then, they finally went in the bathroom, in which Chad showed him how to use the shower.

“I think you’re all set,” he then said. Ryan nodded and tripped over his words as he thanked Chad.

“Could I, um… D’you know if I still have my phone?” Ryan asked quietly. “I should call home…”

“Oh, right, yeah. Was it in your bag?” Ryan nodded. Chad quickly disappeared and Ryan followed, stopping once again at his door. He watched as Chad quickly rummaged through his bag, finally getting his phone out.

“At least they didn’t steal anything, right?” He said, trying to smile at him, and he handed him his phone.

“Right,” Ryan repeated without conviction. He got his phone, and Chad raised his eyebrows, feeling just how cold Ryan’s fingers were.

“I’ll leave you to it,” he said more quietly.

Chad left the room and quickly got down the stairs before realizing he hadn’t shown Ryan where the towels were. He turned around and climbed the stairs two by two, going back to his room.

He stopped near his door, however, noticing that it was almost closed.

“Sorry for calling so late,” he heard Ryan say. “I lost track of time. Um, is it okay if I sleep over at Kelsi’s tonight? We’ve still got stuff to go over.”

Chad could understand that he probably didn’t want to get into it with his parents right now, but he also thought about the fact that they would eventually see the bruises and know that he lied. Well, he just hoped they’d understand he wasn’t feeling like talking about it right away.

He didn’t bother him and instead went back in the bathroom to prepare a towel for him, before he went back downstairs.

* * *

Ryan closed the bathroom door and started the shower. He was slightly shaking and yes, he was cold, but that wasn’t it. Images of the evening were coming back to his mind. He let his shirt fall on the floor and he avoided looking at his body. He put his hands on the sink as he hardly removed his shoes with his feet. Then, he unbuckled his belt and got out of the rest of his clothes. The insults were still ringing in his ears and he could still feel them kicking him in the ribs. He got into the shower and let out a shaky breath as he immersed himself in the jet. Finally, some heat.

It hurt, a lot, especially his face. But he took it all “like a champ”. His father would always use that expression. And he wondered what they would say. He knew they would mainly get worried, his mother would become overly protective, wrap him in her arms and talk to him like he was a small child still. They were very close, but he felt uncomfortable at the idea. Maybe because it made and would make him feel even more vulnerable. Or maybe because he felt like he could never tell exactly what was on his mind.

He was used to long baths, during which he’d listen to music and relax. Now, he was standing in a shower, folding his arms as in a protective gesture. Hands on his shoulders, he closed his eyes as his chin started shaking again.

He got out of the shower and wrapped himself in the soft towel. He was careful when he dried his face and body, and he glanced at the mirror. With the towel, he wiped some of the steam that was covering it, just so that he could get a glimpse of the damages. He was glad that his reflexion was still slightly blurry. He could see the shade his skin had taken and he let his long fingers softly run down his ribs. He was barely touching them and finally, he looked down. He clenched his jaw and looked up at the ceiling. The first thought that came to his mind was that it would hurt when dancing, and he wondered when he’d be able to do so again.

He approached the mirror, getting a closer look at his face. Dear god, he thought. Again, very carefully, he touched his cheek as he observed his black eye. He also noticed a small cut on his nose. At least, it wasn’t broken. His fingers ended on his lips and he knew that he would have to be careful with this as well as long as it wasn’t healed. He thought about singing, this time.

* * *

The clothes were large but it made him feel comfortable. They were soft, they smelled good, they were clean, they made him feel safe. Chad had told him to leave his own in the bathroom and so he did. Barefoot, he walked towards Chad’s bedroom and pushed the door open. He peered inside, as if he was scared to go in, but it was empty. He walked in. The pillow he had noticed at the end of the bed wasn’t there anymore; it had been replaced by his bag, next to his phone. Before looking for Chad, his pain-free eye glanced around the room. He had a small smile. He noticed the posters, basketball players he didn’t know the name of were there, probably inspiring Chad every day. He noticed a bunch of pictures above his desk and he approached. There were pictures dating back to when Chad was a child, with his old teams. Troy was always there right next to him. There were some pictures with his friends, a couple with Taylor, the Wildcats. What seemed to be a double date with Troy and Gabriella. Among the pictures were some medals, hanging on nails in the wall, and on the desk were a few trophies. Again, he smiled. Chad was breathing basketball the same way Ryan was breathing performing arts.

He noticed a few documents about the University of Albuquerque and he left it at that, suddenly feeling like he was invading Chad’s private life.

He went down the stairs slowly, a hand on the banister. Chad was nowhere to be seen, still, and he didn’t hear any noise either. Finally, he found him in the kitchen. He was sitting at the table, his head holding his ball in place while he seemed to be texting someone. His fingers were moving fast on his keyboard and Ryan kept a hand on the doorframe as he cleared his throat. He didn’t know what else to do, really.

Chad quickly looked at him.

“Oh, you’re done!” Well, yeah. Ryan gave him a small smile. Chad took a small tablet that was on the table, next to a glass, as he stood up. “I thought maybe you’d want some aspirin or something…” he said. He didn’t move from where he was standing but extended his arm to hand it to him. Ryan took a few steps and extended his own to take it. They both kept this distance between them, visibly uncomfortable.

“How are you feeling?” Chad asked as he then handed him the glass of water.

“A bit better,” Ryan said, only looking at what he was doing and trying to avoid Chad’s gaze. He was aware of his insistent look, he knew Chad was probably observing the injuries, maybe the few bruises visible on his arms. “I’m… I’m tired, actually.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” was all Chad could say. He cleared his throat. “Um, I thought you’d be more comfortable in a bed. You can take mine, it’s fine.”

Ryan raised his brows, which triggered a painful sensation. “You don’t have to… I can take the couch.”

“This isn’t up for debate.”

Chad gave him a smile that he wanted reassuring, and Ryan looked away, slightly shaking his head. “Fine, then,” he muttered. “Hey, can I ask you something?” He then said as he turned around to walk back in the living room, soon followed by Chad.

“Sure, anything.” Ryan put down the glass on the coffee table and thought about sitting down when something caught his eye. “Wondering about how you look in these?” Chad teased before Ryan could continue. They exchanged a look and Ryan looked down at his clothes. He scoffed and walked towards the fireplace.

“Very funny…” Chad smiled a bit more frankly, seeing that Ryan was apparently more relaxed. “I’m just wondering… you don’t mind keeping all this to yourself, right?” He had turned away, looking at the frames on the fireplace, focusing on those to keep his mind calm.

“What happened tonight? Um, yeah, yeah I can… but you know…”

“Yeah, people will see me,” he said more quietly, his eyes stopping on a picture of Chad and his parents, visibly dating from years ago. Chad couldn’t have been older than twelve at the time of the picture, from what Ryan could tell. “Doesn’t mean they need to know anything…”

“’Course not. Don’t worry, I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

“Thanks…” Silence fell again and neither of them knew how to fill it. Chad had burning questions about what had happened to Ryan but he remembered his mother’s advice. Besides, even if he were to ask, he doubted Ryan would tell him anything. Luckily, he wasn’t the one who had to try and speak again. “So,” Ryan said, still looking at the picture. “Your mom’s a nurse, right? What’s his job?” he asked, pointing at the man in the picture. The man clearly wasn’t there that night, and he didn’t remember any mention of him either. He wondered if his parents met at the hospital, maybe. Then, he might have had a night shift.

“He was a dentist,” Chad simply said. Ryan glanced at him, then at the picture again. They looked so much alike. He realised the past tense, finally, and he looked at Chad again. The other teenager knew that he knew, that he understood, and he saw Ryan’s mouth open but no sound came out. “It’s fine,” he simply said. “You couldn’t have known.”

“Still… Sorry for bringing it up.” Chad shrugged. No, he couldn’t have known. Yet they had known each other for years now. They just never talked. And even after the summer, even after getting that close to Gabriella and spending time with them all… well, it was none of his business to begin with.

“Can I just ask…”

“How, or when?”

Ryan felt bad. “When…” he said more quietly.

“’03,” Chad said. “We… there was an accident. It just happened.” Ryan nodded as a sign that he didn’t need to know more, and he walked towards the couch, noticing the pillow and the blanket on the armrest. “My mom’s been devoting her life to me since then,” Chad said with what looked like a smile, but really was just an act. “You know how mothers can be,” he added, trying desperately to find how to change the subject.

“Oh yeah,” Ryan said, nodding slowly. “Always all over your case…”

Chad laughed quietly and plopped down next to him, his ball still in his hands like a safety blanket. He had something in mind but he also didn’t want to sound insulting. He could kind of tell what his relationship with his sister was like. He could before, and with the summer they had, he was sure of it. She would hide even her own twin brother in her shadow, ditching him right away if it meant she could have what she wanted. It seemed to always be about her. He knew it was probably more complicated than that, but from his point of view, the main dynamic was pretty clear.

“You get along with them? Your parents, I mean,” he asked. Ryan turned his head to look at him.

“Well, yeah…” he simply said at first. “If anything, we’re sometimes a little too close,” he then said, slightly wrinkling his nose, which caused pain again. He ignored it, only turning again to avoid letting Chad see anything. But the boy only offered him an amused expression.

“I mean, you seem to have a whole thing going on,” he said as he thought about the day they had played gold together, with Troy and Chad accompanying them. 

“Mh… To be honest, I think I’m closer to my mom,” Ryan explained. “Sharpay’s more of…”

“Daddy’s precious little girl,” Chad completed, making Ryan scoff.

“You could say that, yeah. We don’t… I don’t spend that much time with him. I mean, Sharpay doesn’t either… she just always goes to him first. But… I don’t think we have that much in common. My mom, she’s always been… She’d come to all our trainings, to all our lessons, to all our performances… He did his best to always show up, though. They’ve always both been very encouraging, very proud.” He wasn’t sure why he was going into a whole speech about it. Maybe because finally, he had his mind off things. “But I don’t think he gets all of it. It’s fine, though, they’re cool,” he concluded, nodding to himself. Chad had a brow raised all along and he sighed.

“You’re still an eccentric bunch in my eyes.” At least, he got to make Ryan laugh. “What do you think Sharpay’s gonna say?” he then asked, a bit more serious. Ryan glanced at him. He wanted to say that she’d make it about her, somehow, because she was good at doing that. But he finally decided to keep his thought to himself. He didn’t like badmouthing her, even though she deserved it sometimes.

“I don’t know.”

“What are you going to tell everyone?”

He thought for a second. “I don’t know.”


	3. Seen by their eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning I guess? f-word used
> 
> damn if I was writing half as much for my actual book every day, I would have been done three years ago lmao
> 
> Okay so just a little something here. I know the pacing is slow, etc, etc. I know, I know. Stuff with Chad will arrive, but I don't want to rush things. This is way longer and more serious than I myself thought it would be haha. Tbh I still don't have every element of the story figured out, but I will. I have notes for the next three chapters already so I'll be working on that.  
> In the meantime, I just want to say that I use fanfiction as a way to delve into character development, not really for the romance. So this will be a part of the story, but as you probably can see from what's posted already, this is more of an introspective work about Ryan (then Chad will be more included as well but you know what I mean). 
> 
> Honestly, I'm baffled that people still read HSM fanfiction in 2020 but hey, it's quarantine and the world's gone to shit, so I'm just happy and amazed by it. I'm glad to see that some people still love it as much as I do haha. All hail Chyan (even though I still think they're Rad hahaha i'm so funny)
> 
> next chapter will take place during their summer, so flashback time, yippie  
> thanks for reading ! sorry for this long ass note !

Chad should have seen it coming. He had spent the entire breakfast almost completely silent, letting his mother do the talking. After all, he didn’t know anything about Michael Crawford or Phantom of the Opera, nor did he care about it. So, when Ryan got a glimpse of the inside of the fridge… He thought that at least, he seemed to be way livelier than the night before, which was a good sign, or so he hoped. He couldn’t tell if Ryan was putting on a show. If he did, he was very good at it, which wouldn’t be surprising.  
  
Of course, his mother’s day was made on the spot. He liked seeing her so enthusiastic about something and he mentally thanked Ryan for that, even though he pretty quickly felt like running away when he tried to include him in the conversation by mentioning his own talents. Yeah, the talent show had been fun, but mainly because it was something they had done all together, and spending time with his friends was enjoyable. Not… dancing, or whatever. That’s when he interjected, trying to deviate the topic and talk about baseball instead.  
  
They reminisced a bit about the summer before finally having to leave for school. Ryan had put on his own pants from the day before; jeans that Chad would find a tad too skinny if he were to wear them, but that were a perfect fit for the other boy. He had kept the same t-shirt he had slept in on, and Chad had given him a grey sweatshirt, too large for him again. But he wasn’t going to let him go out in a simple t-shirt in the fresh weather and he knew Ryan would probably want to hide the few bruises on his arms. Chad also noticed that he wasn’t wearing a hat, the day before. At least, neither him nor Taylor had seen one near him. Maybe it had flown away. Still, when they sat in Chad’s car, he looked for a cap he knew to be on his backseats. He told Ryan that seeing his hair was weird, and that he better wear that, but Ryan knew that he just wanted to help. He put the cap on, keeping it low to hide his face as much as he could.  
  
He had also cracked the window and had been staring at the road since the beginning of the ride, not saying a word. Chad hadn’t said anything either since he had given him the hat, but the silence was slowly becoming heavy. They weren’t uncomfortable, per say, they just knew the situation to be awkward, It felt weird not to say anything.  
  
Chad was the first to give in.  
  
“Dude, what happened?”  
  
Ryan blinked, his right eye barely open, and he turned to look at Chad.  
  
“Chad, I told you…” he trailed off.  
  
“After the summer, I mean.”  
  
“Oh…” He looked out the window again, taken aback. That was a good question. What happened? He tried to find something to say, but at the end of the day, it wouldn’t change anything. “I’m not sure. I don’t know. I guess we just went back to the way things were…” He shrugged, the strap of his bag rubbing against his aching shoulder. He was subconsciously picking at his fingers as he focused on the houses they were passing by.  
  
“Luckily, in a way,” Chad said as he thought about Troy. “But, I mean… we had fun. And after what your sister did… I thought you wouldn’t–“  
  
“Sharpay’s Sharpay,” Ryan interjected. “And whatever she does, she’s still my twin sister. What do you want me to say?” He looked at Chad again. “I got my revenge. I don’t care anymore.”  
  
“Of course you do,” Chad scoffed. Ryan raised a brow.  
  
“And you would know that how exactly?” Chad glanced back at him, meeting his visible green eye.  
  
“Precisely because of this summer.” He was looking in front of him again but not Ryan, who was still staring at him. He didn’t seem too happy about this statement and it was his turn to scoff as he finally looked away. “What?”  
  
“Don’t psychoanalyse me,” he said, making Chad laugh quietly.  
  
“I’m just saying. Yeah, you’re twins, but you’re not completely alike.” Ryan stayed silent. “That’s not a bad thing. You should actually be relieved.”  
  
“That’s not the problem,” he finally said, intriguing Chad. Yeah, he was kind of relieved, because damn, they were talking about Sharpay.  
  
“I didn’t think there was one.”  
  
“What she’s got...” He paused, struggling to find the right words, wondering if he should even continue on this path. “I don’t.”  
  
Silence fell again. They were able to see the school from where they were and Ryan could feel something growing in the pit of his stomach.  
  
“You’ve got things she doesn’t have, though.”  
  
“So what, we balance each other out? I’m the mopey, uncharismatic, self-loathing idiot and she’s the fierce, ambitious, proud, strong and egotistical… queen, or whatever she thinks she is?”  
  
“You’re as dramatic as her, that’s for sure,” Chad let out, a bit surprised by Ryan’s change of tone. Clearly, this was forbidden territory as he seemed to be a bit cold without exactly sounding annoyed or angry. Yet, he also seemed to be unaware of that. The night before, he had been comfortable talking about his sister but that day, Chad had probably touched a nerve. The term “self-loathing” stood out to him, actually, and he figured he might have been comparing himself and been compared to Sharpay his entire life.  
  
Ryan looked out the window again as they entered the parking and Chad glanced at him. “It’s not ‘cause you’re not egotistical that you’re not strong,” he said more quietly, still not getting a glance from Ryan.  
  
“Whatever,” he simply said quietly. He could feel his eyes watering and he felt incredibly stupid. He had already cried enough the night before in the shower, in bed. That was enough of that.  
  
Chad parked his car and Ryan unbuckled his belt. He put his hand on the handle but he seemed hesitant. That weird feeling in his stomach was fear, and he knew it. Chad was parked even closer to the place they had found him the night before. Even if the place was filled with cars and students, he felt nauseated. The image of his blood on the ground crossed his mind and he hoped the rain had somehow washed it off.  
  
He got out of the car, closing the door behind him as he kept his head down.  
  
“Evans.” He turned, facing Chad who was standing on the other side of the car, leaning against the roof. “D’you remember that Troy wanted to see you play baseball?” Chad saw him trying to conceal a smile and he felt a bit better already.  
  
“You mean that you can’t wait for me to crush you the next time we play?” he asked, leaning against the car as well. Chad offered him his so very precious grin and Ryan had to blink and look away.  
  
“There needs to be a next time, then.” Ryan nodded.  
  
“I’m free whenever,” he shrugged. Well, not really, not for a while, not with the bruises. But as soon as he’d feel better, he would be up for it. Since he didn’t want to get into this at that moment, he tapped the roof with his fingers. “I’ll see you in class,” he said. Chad only nodded, watching him walk away, head low again and both hands on the strap of his cross-body bag.

* * *

Kelsi looked up from the piano as she heard footsteps. She saw the young man approaching, walking along the seats facing the stage. It could only be Ryan, given their usual meeting point and time, and given he had the same bag. But those clothes weren’t his… Something appeared in her mind and she raised her eyebrows.

  
“I knew you had a good reason to lie about where you were last night, especially since it was to your mom, but… you could have told me you had a date.” She said with a mischievous smile. Sharpay had called the evening before, wanting to know Ryan’s whereabouts after their mother had told her where he was apparently spending the night. She had no idea where he actually was, but she had lied right away to cover him.

  
“Nothing of the sort,” Ryan said, too nervous to be embarrassed. He had had to speak louder for the first time that day and he realised he was still a bit hoarse. He wasn’t rushing to get to the stage and yet, he felt like he had arrived way sooner than he thought he would. He climbed the steps to join her and, soon under the lights and despite the cap, Kelsi quickly realised what was going on. She stood up right away, which made Ryan stop in his track. So, she didn’t approach more.

  
“Ryan…” She said, eyes wide, her voice being more of a whisper. “What happened to you?”  
  
Ryan sniffed as he looked away, automatically biting his lip before he winced. He shook his head and finally removed the cap. His hair was flattened and he ran his hand through them.  
  
“Fists,” he finally said. He clearly looked like he didn’t want for it to be a big deal, yet, with the way he was looking around and mostly down, Kelsi knew how nervous he was. She had her hand on her mouth. She didn’t think it was possible, but it was worse without the cap. He had a black eye, yes, a huge one. Part of his cheek and of his temple was colored as well and thanks to the light, she could also see the cut on the bridge of his nose. “You should see the other guys,” he said with a smile, trying to kick his anxiety’s ass.  
  
“Guys? Ryan… are you kidding me?” Kelsi asked, this time approaching. He took a step back, hoping she wasn’t going to hug him or anything, but she only softly grabbed his wrist and put her free fingers on the other side of his face to slightly turn it so that she could observe the bruise.  
  
“Yeah, I’m kidding… I didn’t do shit to them,” he said, not trying to escape her grip. “I don’t think I could have…”  
  
They exchanged a look and she let go of him. She went back to the piano, with him this time, and they sat down. He put the cap back on his head and he knew that it was time to tell her about what he went through.  
  
“There’s something you’re not telling me,” Kelsi said at the end of his story. He took a deep breath, the tip of his fingers on the piano tiles. He didn’t press any of them, but he had been staring at the instrument all along. Head down, shame in his words, in his eyes, in his posture. Shame, or despondence.  
  
“I told you everything…”  
  
“Everything but who it was, and why they did that…” She knew that her words were just an attempt. She wasn’t expecting anything from him.  
  
They had grown increasingly closer over the last year. Ryan was kinder and more respectful than his sister, especially when she wasn’t around, and she had discovered another side of his personality. Months had passed and they had started to hang out more. They had a burning passion for the same things, always something to talk about, secrets they could share, that they knew would stay between them. Overall a great friendship. With that came knowledge about the other’s behaviour. Like the way Ryan would close off when some specific topics were brought up. He would show a modicum of interest in the conversation, just enough for the others to be blind to his true feelings.  
  
That day, he wasn’t making much of an effort. He probably didn’t have the strength to work hard on his act after what he had gone through.  
  
“I’m a fag, Kels’, what did you expect?” He whispered. She closed her eyes, feeling the effects of his words.  
  
They stayed silent for what seemed to be a lifetime. Ryan’s fingers slowly pressed some keys, letting them echo in the huge room. She soon joined him and they both stared at their hands, trying to only listen to the music and not their thoughts.  
  
“Was it…” Kelsi began, voice very low, and she didn’t dare look at him. “Are they… students, here?”  
  
Ryan didn’t answer right away, hesitant. She would probably try to give him advice on what he should do next. And that advice would be to report them. But he wasn’t about to do that, he wasn’t about to get the story revealed to anyone, he wasn’t about to come out to everyone. He didn’t owe anyone anything. He was fine with himself and that was what mattered.  
  
“Yeah,” he let out. What could he say, he didn’t know how to lie to her. She was too kind. He didn’t look at Kelsi and it was just as well, as he would have been bothered by the horrified look on her face.  
  
“Maybe you should–“  
  
“You know the implications.”  
  
“I know,” she sighed, resigned. She knew what chain of events would start if anyone was made aware of why he had been assaulted. She knew, as she had often shared the same fear. The best solution in their case was to always keep everything inside. Yet, they both knew it was a solution to an absurd problem, not how it was supposed to be. After a moment, she talked again, trying to uplift their mood. “And you ended up at Chad’s of all people…”  
  
“Shut up,” Ryan said, feeling one corner of his lips curl up against his will just by thinking of the other boy. Yet, the fingers that weren’t on the keys were touching the sweatshirt he was wearing. He thought about his bed. The clothes had the same scent, and he knew it wasn’t the laundry detergent. He knew it because he had smelled the same odor when they had exchanged clothes after the baseball game.  
  
That had been a whole other level of sensations in Ryan’s stomach, but he was trying to force himself to forget these details. To forget how Chad kept looking at him up-and-down with that grin he would sometimes have… when looking at Taylor, Ryan had told himself for a split second before chasing the thought away just as fast as it had come up. That was just wishful thinking. They had fun during the game, but they hadn’t been playing hard to get, just baseball. That morning, Chad’s remark on his clothes hadn’t been the first one, hence why they had made the exchange back at Lava Springs. He also kept in mind their feet under the table, even with Taylor around. Probably his imagination, again, they didn’t have that much space and any contact was accidental. Besides, Chad was straight.  
  
That should be the first argument against any thought Ryan had about him, actually. Nothing could ever happen just because of that simple fact. And then, because of Taylor. Ryan had just felt something and maybe it had just been because he realised how attractive Chad was, or maybe he had liked the idea of actually having more friends, more attention, and more people that cared about him. Maybe he had just liked what Chad represented more than he had liked the person. He didn’t know, he didn’t care that day. He couldn’t afford to care anyway. The only thing he was sure of was that whenever Chad was acknowledging him, even with just a nod or a smile, he could feel his cheeks burning up and something fluttering around in his stomach. Butterflies, Kelsi would probably say. A stupid crush, Ryan would then probably think.  
  
Yet, right now, he was glad Kelsi had mentioned it. Ryan had confided in her and she had been teasing him for a while, and that’s what he needed. For her to go back to her normal behaviour with him, not treat him any differently, for the immense concern in her eyes to die out.  
  
They heard the sound of the loud door leading to the thatre and soon after, they heard it closing on itself. Footsteps were approaching and if Ryan had first thought about Ms. Darbus, the high heels were soon an indicator that it was most probably Sharpay. He turned to Kelsi.  
  
“If she screams, please compliment her outfit or something.”  
  
He felt Kelsi’s hand on his and they exchanged the same small smiles.  
  
“Kelsi!” Sharpay called from afar. The pianist glanced at her classmate. She was approaching fast, only now really noticing the boy next to Kelsi but from that angle, she didn’t recognize him either. “That you don’t put my brother on the phone is one thing but he hasn’t answered any of my texts yet. Where is he?”  
  


* * *

  
“Is it true?” Troy asked as he dropped down on his seat and leaned towards Chad.  
  
“Come again?”  
  
“Ryan,” Troy whispered. Chad’s eyes widen.  
  
“How the hell do you know about it?”  
  
“Gabriella told me.”  
  
Chad sighed, connecting the dots. “Taylor…”  
  
“She was at my place last night, she had Taylor on the phone and she told her about it. Gabriella was so shocked, I insisted to know what was going on, I was worried.” Chad sighed again at the explanation.  
  
“I forgot to tell her… look, Ryan doesn’t really want us to talk about it… So, yeah, yeah, it’s true… but, I…”  
  
“I get it,” Troy said, understanding why Chad was struggling with his words.  
  
“Hey.” They both looked at Taylor and Gabriella who had just entered the room. They stopped near their tables and both leaned to talk quietly with them.  
  
“How is he doing?” Gabriella asked, concern filling her eyes.  
  
“He’ll live,” Chad said quietly, glancing at the door. He then looked at Taylor. “He asked if we could keep all of this to ourselves…” Taylor opened her mouth, suddenly feeling guilty.  
  
“I was so… I had Gabriella on the phone and I couldn’t help it, I needed to talk about it… Just thinking of it made me sick…”  
  
“It’s alright, don't worry, but let’s just keep the details between us.” They all nodded and Taylor put her hand on Chad’s.  
  
“Was he able to rest?”  
  
“I… think? I don’t know, I slept on the couch, I didn’t really know what else I could do, we didn’t talk about it or anything. He did seem to be doing a bit… better, this morning. He talked a lot with my mom, I think he’s trying to think about something else.” He turned to Gabriella. “Hey, you kept in touch with him after the summer, didn’t you?” She exchanged a look with Troy before she nodded, subconsciously biting her lip. Troy kept staring at her and Chad raised an eyebrow but didn’t make any comment. “D’you have his number?” he asked. “I feel like… Since he spent the most time with me after… I thought maybe I should keep an eye on things, you know. See how he recovers.”  
  
She seemed hesitant, probably because she didn’t know if she could just give somebody else’s number away. She just hoped he wouldn’t hold it against her and she got her phone out.  
  
  


A few minutes later, the rest of the students were arriving in class and surely enough, Ryan showed up with Kelsi, a few feet distancing them from Sharpay. The blonde greeted Ms. Darbus but her brother didn’t that morning, directly sitting behind his twin without looking at anyone, just putting his bag on the floor keeping the cap he wished he could glue to his head on. Kelsi sat at her table, next to Troy’s, and they exchanged a look. Kelsi understood that he knew, as he looked at Ryan again. Sharpay was leaning towards him and seemed to be talking to him, but Ryan wasn’t saying anything, he was just staring at her. Troy finally turned and tried to act casually again as he looked at their teacher. Kelsi gave a glance to Chad who was still staring at Ryan, before she tried to focus as well.  
  
Ms. Darbus was herself too focused on her own voice and she didn’t notice anything for maybe the first half hour. Then, eventually, when she had to make Zeke sit at the front of the class with his habitual “Shhh!” hat, she saw that Ryan wasn’t taking notes and she wondered if he was asleep under that cap. Not able to see his eyes, she couldn’t possibly tell.  
  
“Mr. Evans,” she said a bit louder. The boy, startled, unfolded his arms and moved a little but only to straighten his posture. Eyes were on him, including his sister’s. No, he wasn’t asleep, just lost in his thoughts.  
  
Zeke Baylor, it was normal. Ryan Evans on the other hand, even if he wasn’t the most studious, wasn’t disrespectful. She had taken note of his appearance, though. She had always known the boy to be very cautious about it.  
  
“Would you like to join Mr. Baylor in front of the class? We could fabricate a headgear of your liking, but what shall we write on it?”  
  
Some of the students on Ryan’s right side were exchanging a few looks and whispers, like those they had already given each other before the beginning of the class. Chad could see them. He was glad to be on his other side, it pained him to see Ryan’s bruise. But from where the others were, it was probably slightly visible already. Some others, completely unaware of the cause of Ryan’s behaviour, chuckled at their teacher’s remark.  
  
“I’m good,” Ryan finally said in a voice that didn’t seem to be his and that was tainted by a hint of rudeness. Ms. Darbus raised her eyebrows but kept her stupor for herself.  
  
"Off it goes,” she said as she gestured as if she was herself removing a cap from her head. She waited for Ryan to listen, but nothing happened. She would always allow him to keep wearing his hats during class, even if he wasn’t supposed to keep them on. But it wasn’t for him to use them to sleep during her class. “Mr. Evans, will it be detention for you?” She asked, not able to see that his hands were shaking.  
  
“Ry,” Sharpay whispered. From under the visor, he glanced at his sister and met her eyes. Her expression told him he had to listen to her, yet he thought he could see concern in her eyes. Maybe that was wishful thinking again.  
  
He clenched his jaw, his fists, his leg moving nervously. And finally, quickly, only looking down at his table, he removed the hat, putting it down in front of him, keeping it in his grip. His other hand ran through his hair once before falling back down on his table.  
  
There was a gasp, some whispers, but mostly mouths opened and eyebrows raised from those who could see his face. He didn’t move, he didn’t say anything and he certainly didn’t look at his teacher. His leg was still moving nervously up and down, quickly, but this time, he didn’t feel like crying. He was just weary.  
  
Ms. Darbus was taken aback, yet she didn’t say anything. Allowing him to put it back on wouldn’t repair the damage caused, and she would undermine her own authority. The best thing she could do was to keep going with the lesson and have a talk with him afterwards.  
  
From the back of the class, Gabriella still hadn’t seen his face, but she could only imagine. Taylor’s description of the state they found him in was enough for her imagination and she could only guess the color that his face had taken after that many hours.  
  
She was fearing what it meant, what had happened, and she thought of their summer and the communications they had since then. Even if it had become less frequent, they were now friends and he meant a lot to her. She wondered if she had shown him enough, she wondered how the night could have turned out to be if no one had found him, or if they had done more than beat him up. She could guess what was going on and she had talked a lot with Troy the night before. About something he already knew, that he had known for a while, about other things she had never told him about the summer. Simply because it wasn’t the right time, because that was when she had left him. And after that… She hated telling herself that it hadn’t mattered enough for her to talk about it with him at the time. But at the same time, she knew they wouldn’t have been able to prevent any of this from happening. She wondered if now was the time to do more, to maybe show Ryan that he wasn’t alone in this, that they were there for him.  
  
She stopped looking at Ryan to glance at Troy, noticing that he was looking at her. She couldn’t fake it, so she didn’t smile, she was too concerned. Troy, with his hand, gestured that they had to talk after the class, and she quickly nodded.


	4. One swallow doesn't make a summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's finally here ! Reminder that this chapter takes place during the summer aka HSM 2  
> if you feel like it, let me know what you think, idk why but i felt weird about it while writing it even though i couldn't wait to do so? anyways! 
> 
> the song Ryan sings, even if in the story it's his own song, is actually from Nothing but Thieves. (there's a link where the song is mentionned in the story so that you can listen to it). If you have some time, give these guys a listen. Conor really is one of the best vocalists out there and they deserve so much more recognition !

Gabriella wasn’t in any rush to go back outside. Her mother wasn’t there yet and she didn’t want to run into Troy again. She was decided, but she was afraid that she would go back on her words no matter how sure she was that it was for the best. She closed her locker, put her bag on her shoulder, and walked out in the hallways for the last time of her summer.

Really, it was for the best.

She looked down at her hand. She was holding the necklace she had removed from her neck and she felt weak in the knees, her chin shaking for what had to be the hundredth time.

She stopped for a couple of minutes, leaning against a wall and looking up at the ceiling. She was breathing deeply to keep calm, forcing her eyes to keep their tears in. But her will wasn’t enough for that. What kept them in, what made her train of thought stop, [was the sound of a piano](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeu2Y3mdSkU). It was echoing in the place and she directly knew where it came from. It clearly wasn’t the one in the restaurant, it was from the practice room they were using to rehearse their performance. She thought about Ryan again, about what she had just told Sharpay about her brother. She felt bad for letting him down, for letting her friends down, but she couldn’t stay just for them.

Curious as to whom was playing, she walked in the direction of the noise as soon as she also heard a voice. She knew Kelsi was back home already, her shift was over. The others were probably all going back home as well. Too far to make out the words at first, she only realized that she was listening to a man’s voice. Getting closer and closer to the room, she definitely recognized Ryan’s tone. She moved slowly, the tip of her fingers running against the wall and she stopped at the doors. It was wide open and her gaze stopped on the boy playing piano. Without taking a look in the huge mirror, he wouldn’t be able to see her. She felt the need to go in, but also to listen quietly. She stared at the young man. She could see his back, the back of his head, the hat he had chosen to wear that day was on the piano and his hair seemed flat on his head.

“And I’m a shadow of a ghost… it’s feeling as if somebody has taken host,” Ryan sang, eyes closed, as if he was in a completely different world. Far away from everything that was going on in the real one.

Gabriella was surprised by his voice. She knew how good he was, or at least she thought she had a vague idea of how talented he was, but she had never seen him or heard him like that. Maybe because that evening, he was only accompanied by a piano, maybe because it was different from his usual selection. She was quite impressed, but also disappointed she had never heard him sing this way before.

When the song came to an end, his voice trailed off but he didn’t move. He needed to come back to his senses after putting himself in such a vulnerable position. Overwhelming himself with his own feelings, his own devotion for music. Oh he loved the dances, bright colors, great performances, more than anything, really. Yet, sometimes, he was able to get lost in another universe that seemed so far away from his daily reality. He loved it. It provided him with some sort of escapism while exploring his own feelings.

Gabriella was still hesitant. Maybe it was best to leave him alone. At the same time, she didn’t want to step outside just yet. What if Troy was still around? Could she face him again?

Was she going to stand there silently, just as Ryan was sitting in the room? Were they both destined to stay by themselves that night? Standing close and yet both far away in their thoughts, in their melancholy?

She didn’t need to find answers to these questions because Ryan finally looked up. And soon enough, he turned quickly, startled.

“Gabriella,” he let out in a breath. He then quickly took his hat to put it back on his head. “You scared the shit out of me…” She smiled with that usual amused expression and he just couldn’t really be mad at her.

“I’m sorry,” she said as she finally entered the room, trying to look as composed as possible. “I couldn’t help myself, I… I heard you and… well, I’ve never heard you sing like that before,” she said, joining her hands together as she walked along the wall to approach the mirror.

“What do you mean, like that?” Well, Sharpay would always overshadow him, having more to sing and the spotlight mostly to herself, so maybe that was what she meant by that.

“I mean without all the strass ang glitter and extravaganza,” she said, making Ryan laugh quietly. “Without all the unnecessary noise,” she added when Ryan was about to talk. He looked at her again before he slightly lowered his head, biting the inside of his lip. “Don't get me wrong, I like your performances, you're having fun and it's what matters but... This, this is refreshing… it’s beautiful. Did you write it?” He nodded and cleared his throat as he got up.

“Yeah, I– It’s not Kelsi’s level but she helps me out a lot.” Again, Gabriella had that amused expression on her face and Ryan wasn’t sure if she was mocking him or if he had said something funny.

“I’m not comparing it to Kelsi’s work, it’s yours. And it’s great just the way it is.”

Ryan had a hard time restraining his smile, but he also looked away, turning his head so that it wouldn’t be too obvious.

“Has Sharpay ever heard that?”

“The songs? Nah,” he said with a wave of his hand, his expression showing that the simple idea of Sharpay listening to them was quite funny. It wasn’t exactly her style. Well, it wasn’t really what Ryan preferred either, he liked big shows as well, dancing, having fun on stage. Half of what he would write was, in his opinion, pretty… depressing. But whenever he would pick up a pen, he would uncharacteristically write slow and way too revealing songs. 

“Your voice,” Gabriella said with a small smile and Ryan’s faltered.. Of course, she knew Sharpay had never heard his songs. If his sister hadn’t excluded the staff from the talent show, leading Gabriella to confront her, then break up with Troy, she wouldn’t even have heard any of it herself. What a turn of event. She thought about the fun they had had lately, all together with Ryan. She wondered if he knew about the news for the show, but she didn’t say anything.

And Ryan still hadn’t said anything about her last words. They both knew the answer. She liked her own voice better, too much to pay attention to other’s.

Gabriella slowly let herself slide down against the mirror so she could sit on the floor. Ryan approached, slowly, as if he was measuring what each step meant. Then, he did the same as her, and they stayed quiet for a minute.

“Why are you still here?” She finally asked. His smile was more genuine this time as he glanced around the room, then at the girl.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She shared his smile, his words making her feel good for a short moment. He clearly knew what he wanted to do with his life, sometimes it felt like he had it all figured out already. Maybe because he didn’t have to worry about not being able to pay his college education, maybe because he was a gifted individual to begin with, working hard every day to get better and better. Or maybe it was because of the passion he put in the stuff he did. Her smile faltered as she stared at the necklace in her hands. Her arms on her folded knees, the T was hanging at the end of the chain around her fingers. Ryan, who was still looking at her, glanced at the jewel. He watched the letter as he figured it was the T in Troy. He had never seen her without it since the beginning of the summer.

As his gaze drifted on her face again, he noticed her expression and he cleared his throat.

“Trouble in paradise?” he asked. They exchanged a look and he glanced at the pendant. She shrugged.

“It’s… not the summer I thought we’d have,” she simply said. Ryan looked away, understanding that it was even worse than he thought.

“It’s not… because of me, is it?” he asked.

“Why would it be?” Gabriella asked quickly as she looked at him. “You haven’t done anything wrong.” It was Ryan’s turn to shrug.

“The other day, he… I’m not sure he liked me being around you too much.” Gabriella noticed that he smiled to himself as if what he said was funny, some sort of joke only he could understand. She found something else funny.

“Should he be worried?” She asked with a small smile as well. She had never been interested by Ryan that way, and she frankly doubted that he was interested by her.

“I think Troy’s the only one who doesn’t see the way you…” he trailed off, focusing on his thoughts. “It wouldn’t matter if I were to try anything, would it?” He smiled directly at her this time, still clearly amused about something. She shook her head but didn’t know how to feel about his words. Was he admitting to something? Or was he just teasing Troy through her? “If anyone tried,” he added more seriously.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” she sighed. Ryan raised a brow, watching her stare at the necklace again. “He’s not… he made very clear choices this summer…” Ryan frowned.

“Is it because of Sharpay?”

“If he wanted to say no to Sharpay, he would. Instead, he's… got his eyes on the prize,” she muttered. Ryan breathed deeply, resting his head against the mirror behind him. “He changed… he’s been hurting his friends again and again… if it doesn’t matter to him, why would it for us?”

“Because you love him,” Ryan almost whispered. Their eyes met. He realized that she was about to cry and he understood that it was already too late. “He loves you too, doesn’t he? Isn’t there any way you could work this out?” She smiled sadly.

“The pain is just a testament of how important it was for me… but I’m not sure I’m the one would should make efforts again.”

“Was?”

“It’s over… If he can’t face what he’s becoming, what he’s become, I won’t force myself to stay with that person. He’s not the one I fell in love with…”

Ryan first opened his mouth but he directly reconsidered. He looked up at the ceiling as he kept a sigh in. After a minute of silence, Gabriella spoke again.

“What were you going to say?”

“Mh?”

“The way I what?” she asked. “With him. He doesn’t see the way I…” He stared at her for a few seconds before he looked away.

“You look at him. He doesn’t see the way you look at him.” She turned her head to look away again, hardly swallowing her spit as her throat became tight.

“I see…”

“It was nauseating, really.”

“Hey now,” she laughed as she softly pushed his arm, feeling a tear rolling down her cheek. He laughed as well and passed the same arm around her shoulder, determined to not let her escape his grip. 

“Are you really ready to let go?” She sniffed and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand.

“I won’t ever be ready, I just need to cross that bridge at some point. It might as well be right now.” Ryan sighed and he felt her head against his shoulder. He tightened his grip around her shoulders and she closed her eyes for a moment. “I’m sorry if he made you feel–“

“It’s fine,” Ryan quickly interjected. “Really, it’s alright. I don’t have anything to feel guilty about, and I don’t need to worry about this on top of the rest.”

“Still… you don’t deserve to be treated this way because of assumptions…” Ryan laughed quietly. It sounded more and more absurd every time she was mentioning Troy’s jealousy.

“You would have told me sooner, I would have told you to reassure him, there’s really no risk of me ever making a move on you,” he said, his amused smile coming back on his face. Gabriella smiled as well, trying to focus on a positive thing instead.

“Do you have someone else you’re… making moves on?” Ryan couldn’t help but laugh again.

“Got anyone in mind?” he asked, glancing at her. He felt like it was time, and he felt comfortable enough. But first, he needed to know what she was thinking.

Gabriella bit her lip, not knowing what she should say. Would it be weird to second guess his friendship with the pianist? He wasn’t the kind of getting upset over something like that, clearly. Still, she talked prudently.

“I don’t… Maybe… Kelsi?” Again, Ryan laughed and she joined him as she straightened a little, looking at him. “Is it that funny?”

“Oh god,” Ryan said as he shook his head. She tilted her head as she glanced at his grin. “Aren’t you a cute one, thinking the theatre kid’s straight.”

She blinked, slightly opening her mouth. She soon put her hand on it and Ryan kept a small smile on his lips. She wasn’t shocked, per say, she just suddenly felt really guilty, she didn’t know why.

“I’m so sorry,” she let out, only adding to Ryan’s amusement. He shook his head as he shrugged.

“What for? You didn’t make me gay, you're not the one at fault here.” She laughed again and gently tapped his arm, knowing he was joking around.

“You know what I mean!” She shook her head and went back to the way she was sitting before. Nothing had changed. She just didn’t put her head against him because she was thinking, and she wanted to talk about this. She wondered if he was okay with that, since he didn’t seem eager to talk by himself, staying silent instead, but he seemed quite comfortable and it helped her relax. “Who else knows?” she asked after a moment. He took his time before he finally answered.

“Sharpay was the first one to know, obviously.”

“Obviously,” she repeated with a small smile.

“My parents know, Kelsi knows… and, um… Ms. Darbus knows.” At that last name, Gabriella turned to look at him. He gave her that “what can you do?” expression, seemingly unbothered but not about to go into further details.

“And… when did you know?” Ryan raised a brow, not expecting that question from her. His parents had asked. Kelsi as well but for different reasons. They were just sharing their experiences, after all. 

“I’m not sure,” he said. “It’s just always been with me. You grow up, you apparently should get interested in the other gender but I just… didn’t. I don’t know,” he said, not really ready to talk about that part. She only nodded. She wanted to ask how he dealt with the realisation but she didn’t. She had noticed the shift in his posture, he seemed a bit tense.

“So you told Sharpay first, and–“

“I didn’t. She…” He pursed his lips as he looked up at the ceiling again. “Maybe it’s a twin thing,” he tried to joke. “She knew, I don’t really know how. And she’s actually the one who came to talk about it, and she was... not as subtle as she wished to be. And you know, Sharpay, as long as you don’t go after the guys that she likes…” He heard Gabriella laugh and he smiled. “She didn’t care, she… you can think what you want about her but she’s not only my twin sister, she… she was the one who helped me go through one of the most difficult times in my life. I don’t know if I would have accepted myself if it weren’t for her. So yeah, she can be unbearable, and it certainly doesn’t excuse what she’s been doing lately, or the way she treats people in general but… sometimes I stop and I think about it and I know she’s not all bad. Maybe that’s why it hurts so much when she acts like a bitch… but like we’ve established, there’s no love without pain.”

“It’s a vicious, never-ending circle,” Gabriella concluded with a sad smile. She moved, catching his attention. He felt her hand on his and she gave one of her cute little smile that just showed how much empathy she had stocked in that one little body of hers. She had too much of it and Ryan felt bad. She wasn’t supposed to take care of him that night; she was supposed to take care of herself. “You’re fine now though, right?” She asked softly. Ryan gave her a smile and solemnly nodded.

“I’m better. Way better. Shar helped me come out to my mom, then they both helped me talk to my dad. It was the hardest part I think. But they’re… they said that my happiness is what matters so I don’t know, I guess that’s the stance I have on things. As long as I’m happy, I’m not hurting anybody… It’s not perfect but… soon we’ll go to college and it just won’t be the same.”

“Of course you’re not hurting anyone…” Gabriella said quietly, her grip on his hand tightening. “I’m… I’m glad you trust me enough to tell me all of this.” He nodded again. “Why me, Ryan?” He smiled.

“You never judged me. At least, never to my face.” She shook her head to say that she had never done so, whether it was in front of him or behind his back. “You… that day, with the baseball match? You invited me when you didn’t even know what Sharpay was planning, you didn’t know she had just ditched me. You didn’t care, you just invited me. You’re… genuinely nice,” he added. He raised a hand, approaching her, and he wiped the tear leaving her eye with his thumb. “I know you don’t judge, I know that with you… it’s safe. You won’t tell everyone, I won’t get bullied, beaten up, or… worse. And frankly... not long ago, she said I became one of you guys... I told her it was a compliment for a reason.”

She took a deep breath at these words and Ryan didn’t really know how but they ended up hugging each other, still sitting on the floor. It was a long and tight hug that they both needed.

Afterwards, they stood up. Gabriella really needed to go, her mother would be there soon and she wanted to leave. Talking with Ryan had helped a bit, she had relaxed a little.

She had his number now and before leaving, she promised to text him that she got home safe. It felt like a new chapter in her life but she knew she wasn’t alone. At the time, of course, she thought they wouldn’t see each other again before the end of the summer, but she also knew that she had made a very good friend along the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again even just for taking like... five minutes of your day to read the story? I'm just really grateful. Thank you for the kudos, for the comments, it means a lot, seriously !
> 
> I'm gonna try to write the next chapter as soon as possible!


	5. FC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> d'you guys remember flip phones ? lmao what an era

Gabriella sat down on the bench, finally letting go of Troy’s hand. In the end, they had only been able to really have their moment alone during free period, and they had decided to go on the roof to have a discussion about the situation.

“Do you have something in mind?” Gabriella asked. He was the one who wanted to talk, apparently. 

“Do you?” Troy asked, meeting his girlfriend’s eyes. “I mean… I know that you’re worried and everything but… he’s fine. You know what I mean,” he added as he saw her expression. Yes, she knew what he meant. He wasn’t in danger anymore, and yet she seemed too worried, as if there was still some sort of threat hovering around their friend. She looked down, biting her lip as she picked at her fingers. Troy was sure of it, now, there was something else. She had thought about keeping it to herself for now, just so that maybe she’d be able to talk to Ryan alone before misinforming Troy.

“Do you remember what I told you about him at the end of the summer?” she asked after a moment. She needed to have this conversation with Troy. Even though they were back together, it didn’t mean that Troy wouldn’t ever get jealous anymore. And she wasn’t about to kick Ryan out of her life to manage Troy’s feelings. So, just in case, and because Ryan had given her his benediction to do so, she had explained to Troy that he had nothing to worry about.

His reaction had been amusing, in her eyes. He hadn’t been shocked by Ryan’s sexuality but instead, he had mainly tried to justify his jealousy, as if he was flustered by his own behavior. She knew it wasn’t because Troy didn’t trust her, it was mainly a lack of self-confidence… for whatever reason that may be. The only reason he got jealous in the first place was because he realised he was losing he, and that it was his own fault, so he got annoyed by the wrong person.

She had just reassured him about their mutual feelings and about Ryan’s intentions. Again, he had stuttered some things before asking her how she knew about it to change the subject. She hadn’t gone into details, she felt like that belonged between Ryan and her. She had just told Troy that he had felt comfortable enough to tell her, and that he was fine with her telling him.

But she had also told him that they had to keep it to themselves, as not many were aware of it. So, Troy nodded.

“Yeah, I remember.”

“I think…” She breathed deeply as she glanced at her boyfriend. “I think that’s why he was assaulted…” She saw Troy’s eyebrows shoot up and a change in his posture.

“I’m sorry?” She only nodded. “Wh– How? No, come on…”

“Are you really that surprised?” she asked as she gave him a strained smile. She felt uncomfortable. Nothing was right with the situation. Troy sighed as he stood up, hiding his hands in his pockets as he slowly walked away. He needed to do something, anything. He just couldn’t stay seated. “When… When he told me about it, he also said that he wasn’t scared to tell me because I wouldn’t run my mouth, I wouldn’t… get him into trouble.” Troy turned to face her again. “That I wouldn’t cause him to get bullied, beaten up, or even worse…”

He let out a sigh as he looked at the view their spot was offering them, taking a few seconds to think about it.

“What a weird way of going through life,” he said almost in a whisper.

The year before, Troy had been going through some sort of an identity crisis, and he had had such a hard time figuring things out, he had felt alienated. For what? For what he liked to do? For what he wanted to do?

At the end of the day, even if he sometimes felt like he didn't, what he always had was a choice. And he had decided to choose for himself. Was that something Ryan could even hope to brush one day?

“I’d say it’s an unfair way of getting by,” Gabriella said and he looked down, slightly nodding. He approached his girlfriend again, looking down at her. He got one hand out of his pockets to take one of hers. He seemed absent and she let him gather his thoughts, using her free hand to place a strand of hair behind her ear. Finally, Troy spoke again.

“Chad told me he doesn’t want to report it. That when he mentioned the cops, Ryan kind of freaked out…” Gabriella shook her head at these words. “And I was thinking… it might be nothing but since it happened here… I mean, he was outside but still, d’you think it’s a coincidence?” Now, she slightly frowned.

“Do you mean… do you think it could be people from school?”

“I don’t know,” Troy let out, letting go of her hand to start pacing again. “It’s just… the parking, really? Who else would have been there besides students?”

Gabriella took a deep breath as she passed her hands on her face. She replaced her hair and Troy heard her hands fall back down on her legs as she sighed. “It sounds likely but… I don’t think he’s ever going to tell anyone. But, if that’s the case, I mean… Do you think he can stomach seeing them every day and not do anything?”

“Somehow, I feel like he can stomach anything,” Troy said with a weird expression on his face. Gabriella didn’t see it often but was pretty sure it was incredulity, as if he didn’t really believe what he was saying. He sure was impressed by Ryan’s mental strength.

“Or it’s just an act… we don’t know how he really feels. Like I said, he told me because he knows I won’t get him into trouble but… it means that he knows what can happen, maybe that he’s afraid of it. This is just going to take a toll on him.” Troy sighed as he sat back down next to Gabriella. He put his hand on hers.

“Let’s just keep an eye open and… we’ll see. The most important thing right now is how he gets through this. Then… maybe he’ll talk about it.”

“Maybe,” Gabriella said, not entirely convinced. But they couldn’t just force the information out of him. Troy stood up and she followed promptly, their grip on each other’s hand becoming tighter. Before going, though, she stopped him by putting her other hand on theirs and by slightly pulling his arm. “By the way…”

“Mh?”

“Is… Have you noticed anything weird about Chad?”

“What do you mean?” Troy asked, not following. Was this still about what had happened to Ryan?

“You know… Is he acting any different than usual?”

“Oh, you mean like what you told me in August?” She nodded. “What has Taylor told you, now?” She shrugged. “He hasn’t told me anything in particular, I don’t think there’s a problem. And if there is, I’m not sure she’s causing it. D’you want me to talk to him?”

“No, no no. I was just wondering.”

* * *

Ryan opened his eyes and he stared at his ceiling for a minute. His music was loud in his ears and he had been lying on his bed for a while when his phone had vibrated. He moved one of his hands from behind his head to grope for it. The first Iphone had been released during the summer of 2007, and his father had soon bought them for his children. So, Ryan directly saw the unknown number that had sent him a text message, and the beginning of the same text. His heart skipped a beat as he read a name and he unlocked his phone.

> **Unknown number** – 09:36PM
> 
> _hey evans, chad here. Gabriella gave me ur number, hope that’s ok_
> 
> _I just wanted to know how u were doing, hope u’re ok_

He felt the beginning of a smile on his lips and he let his head fall back on his pillow, as well as his hand on the bed. Idiot. That’s the only thing that came to his mind. He took a deep breath before he finally sat down with a pillow behind his back. He quickly saved the number, pondering for a second about what he should call him in his phone before simply writing his first name. And as he was about to type his answer, he got nervous. He didn’t want to tell himself why and he tried to ignore the feeling even though he took his time to reply just to make sure he wouldn’t sound completely idiotic.

He also thought about his dyslexia. Thank god he now had autocorrect. He wasn’t about to ask Sharpay for some help with this and having her judge him for talking to Chad on top of it. He was doing very well on his own, thank you very much.

However, he did crave Kelsi’s presence and he already knew what they were going to talk about the next morning.

> **Ryan** – 9:38PM
> 
> _Totes fine, don’t worry about it._
> 
> _Better, I told you already… and hey, got a new nickname so I guess that’s something_

Chad was sitting at his desk, trying to do his homework. As soon as his flip phone rang, he let go of his pen to grab it. He was glad to see that it was indeed an answer from Ryan, and he got comfortable on his seat. He bit his lip when he read his last words, knowing how it must have made him feel. He wasn’t going around the halls calling him Fight Club, but he remembered snorting when he heard about the name. It wasn’t against Ryan, of course. It was imagining him as a combative, volatile person that had amused him. At the end of the day, the nickname was simply ridiculous, but the thought of Ryan Evans in a fist fight had been enough to get people talking.

> **Chad** – 9:39PM
> 
> _so I’ve heard, bunch of morons aren’t they?_

That they were, but Ryan wasn’t complaining about it. He thought that it would cool off after a while; he just had to be patient, as always.

> **Ryan** – 9:41PM
> 
> _Best not to talk about it, isn’t it ?_

> **Chad** – 9:42PM
> 
> _I mean, you can’t, it’s against the rules_

Ryan was glad to see that he was trying to slowly deviate from the conversation, or that he was trying to be funny, in a way, thinking that giving less importance to the nickname would maybe ease his mind. It hit him that he didn’t know why Chad was acting this way. For him to be concerned, he could understand, but they didn’t have much in common and he had a hard time telling himself that he was casually texting Chad Danforth. He wondered if it wasn’t simply pity on his part and he didn’t know if he should engage much into it. To be fair, he also didn’t want to be at fault there, reigniting something he had felt months ago and that was simply better left alone.

> **Ryan** – 9:44PM
> 
> _So I’ve heard. I’ve never watched it, actually_

> **Chad** – 9:45PM
> 
> _Excuse me? Fine, I guess I’ll have to take care of ur education_

> **Ryan** – 9:46PM
> 
> _You can’t be serious._

> **Chad** – 9:49PM
> 
> _This w-e, my place. There’s no point in arguing dude_

Oh, Ryan didn’t really want to argue. Yet, he felt weird about all this. Maybe because he thought about replying with “It’s a date.” like a character in a cheesy rom-com would. But it wasn’t one and he had to push that thought as far away as possible. It would never be one and if he were to go to his place with something in mind, it would just be downright awful on his part. It would be a bad decision and he would be a bad person. He promised himself to not let any weird thought cross his mind if he were to accept but he kept simply staring at his screen without knowing what to do.

He then began pacing in his room, pondering about the situation, being way more nervous than he was supposed to be. Come on, he wasn’t some teenager, hormonal and… well. He was only eighteen. And he had a crush. He knew it was beside the point, and he knew that Chad was simply being friendly, but still… he couldn’t really control his brain and the contradictory thoughts spinning in his mind.

> **Chad** – 09:57PM
> 
> _Come on, if you’re not doing it for me, do it for my mom lol_

Reading that new message, Ryan quietly laughed, soon grimacing because of his lip, and he shook his head.

> **Ryan** – 09:58PM
> 
> _Wth are you on about?_

Chad stopped himself as he was typing, realizing how fast he had been to answer this text and not the first one. He had thought that maybe he was busy and that was why he was taking some time to reply, but now there was a doubt in his mind. Maybe he didn’t want to come at all and he just didn’t want to say so, maybe Chad was just forcing his hand at that point. His amused smile had faltered when he typed his answer. He thought about telling him that it was fine if he didn’t want to come, but… he really wanted him to. So, he chose to keep trying to convince him, telling himself that if Ryan still didn’t accept, he would let it go.

> **Chad** – 10:00PM
> 
> _She said, and I quote, that u’re “a delight”, “well-mannered”, and you “seem very cultivated”_

> **Ryan** – 10:02PM
> 
> _Yeah she obviously hasn’t seen me in front of a history exam_

Chad laughed at that and found himself softly smiling at his screen, relieved and glad to see Ryan joking around. He let out a deep sigh before he typed his proposition for the last time.

> **Chad** – 10:04PM
> 
> _So R we doing this or what?_

Ryan looked up as he heard knocking on his door. It opened and he saw his mother sliding her head in. She then pushed the door open to walk in, not totally closing it but almost.

“Can we talk?” she asked. Ryan nodded and walked towards his bed again to sit where he was beforehand. He quickly texted Chad back, his glee starting to be overshadowed by a new wave of anxiety.

> **Ryan** – 10:07PM
> 
> _Alright, you're on._
> 
> _I’ll talk to you later_

> **Ryan** – 10:07PM
> 
> _Or tomorrow, or whatever_
> 
> _I need to go_

He didn’t need to say so for Chad to understand that he was very visibly cutting the conversation short. He texted him back a “see u tomorrow” before putting his phone back on his desk. He looked at his homework but he definitely wasn’t in the mood anymore. He didn’t know in what kind of mood he was. So he just stood up, walked towards his bed and let himself fall on top of it, burying his face in his pillow.

Ryan, on the other hand, was tense on his bed. His mother sat down next to him and he soon felt her arm wrapped around him. He leaned in, resting his head on her shoulder and he closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, her usual perfume filling his nostrils. The last time they had been in that position, Ryan had just come out to her and, after some time alone, she had come to his room to reassure him once again.

He felt her hand on his sweatshirt and he opened his eyes to see her look at her son’s clothes.

“You’re still in these,” she remarked and he shrugged.

“They’re comfortable,” he said. He had taken a shower and put on his pajamas pants and another t-shirt, but he hadn’t been able to resist putting the hoodie back on again. Maybe because he found comfort in the scent of them. It had been the first piece of clothing he had worn after the incident, and it had the same scent as the bed he had slept in, where he had felt warmth around him after spending too much time on the ground, soaking wet under the rain. And they were, indeed, comfortable.

“Whose are they?” He shrugged again.

“The friend who helped me,” he muttered. He had skipped over some details when recounting the events to his mother.

He had been so nervous. Sharpay had walked in the house with him and told him that it was best to just tell her right away. They had both waited for her to be done with her yoga session, not that she wouldn’t need another one right after seeing her son’s face.

She had freaked out about her “Ducky”, obviously, and he had recounted a part of the night, trying to downplay it by apologizing a few times about the lie he told her. Of course, where he really spent the night didn’t matter as long as he had been safe, but he knew that focusing on that and his suddenly found guilt about the lie would make his mom… feel bad about it and that she would focus on making sure he wasn’t bothered by anyone else that day more than anything else.

God, he felt like he had some Sharpay in him, sometimes. They weren’t twins for nothing.

Now, he actually felt guilty. But he still didn’t say anything about all that. Yet, his mother dived in, because she had been wondering.

“Darling, is there something else you’re not telling me?” He frowned and looked up at her. Again, she looked heartbroken and he lowered his head. Whenever she would be face to face with him, she would look distraught, and he couldn’t take it. He had felt so bad about her constant looks during dinner that he had barely eaten anything. He had told her it was just bruises, that it would go away, but the look on her face wouldn’t leave.

“What do you mean?”

“The friend you spent the night at…” she said. He could feel her fingers slowly moving up and down again his arm and he knew she wanted the kind of simple talks they usually had. Yet, they both could feel the weird atmosphere surrounding them.

“Yeah?”

“Is he… more than your friend?”

“No!” Ryan said suddenly as he slightly straightened up. “No, it’s not like that, mom. He… he has a girlfriend,” he quickly added, looking away before he got back to the way he was sitting before.

“But if he didn’t–“

“It’s not like that,” Ryan insisted.

“I’m sorry Ducky,” she said. “I’m not used to you hanging out with other boys, that’s all.”

“I have friends,” Ryan said, slightly offended. She smiled as she ran her fingers in his hair without any more comment on the matter.

“I asked your sister if she knew why it happened,” she continued. Ryan closed his eyes, keeping a sigh in. “She told me you refused to talk about it. I thought you would tell one of us, at least.”

“It doesn’t matter, it just happened,” he shrugged.

“You know that your father and I would do anything to help you out, if you would just tell–“

“I don’t know who or why, it just–!” he paused, hearing that his voice was rising. “Happened," he sighed. "There’s nothing to it, just… a bunch of… I don’t know, probably drunk a–…” he sighed again. She didn’t comment on the language he almost used, feeling how tense he was.

“Alright,” she said, even though he knew he hadn’t seen the last of it. “But your father will be home around eleven. You are not having this discussion with him tomorrow morning. As soon as he gets home, we’ll talk to him.”

“Whatever,” he mumbled, slightly pouting as he crossed his arms. She looked at her son again as she sat up straight, cupping his uninjured cheek with one hand.

“Honey, we’re just trying to help.”

He slowly looked up at her to meet her eyes and he stared for a moment. He could see her sympathy, her fear, her pain. How could she express everything in one look, he didn’t know, but it was overwhelming. He clenched his jaw. He didn’t want to hurt her. But he could feel his barriers slowly falling apart and he couldn’t allow that.

“You can’t do anything about it.”

With that, he turned to lie on his side, his left cheek on his pillow. She was now facing his back and he knew that if she were to try and see his face, her eyes would only meet the bruise. He hoped that she wouldn’t want to see it again that night, and soon enough, he felt her weight leaving his mattress. He listened to her steps and to the door closing, knowing it was time to anxiously wait for his father’s return. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to give you some hints about what was going through their mind while texting with the time, with the way they'd write, etc., and I hope I did my job right
> 
> I definitely feel better about this chapter compared to the last one (but I still have no clue why I felt so weird about it to begin with), and thank you guys for your comments, it boosted my confidence. I hope you've enjoyed this one.  
> Sorry if I take a bit more time between updates but I'm also working on my personal project (a book series) so I'm mainly focusing on that. I will try to post the next one as soon as I can, though ! Thanks again for reading, for the kudos and the comments, I truly appreciate you taking the time to read this story !


	6. Swirl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, sorry for the very long wait, i've literally watched a six-season show in seven days, i have a problem

A couple of days had passed and finally, Gabriella and Taylor had some time for themselves. The boys were at practice and they were sat at a table in the cafeteria instead of going to the library like they had first planned on doing. This whole Ryan debacle had delayed what they were supposed to discuss at first during the phone call they had that awful night.

Lately, Chad had been acting differently. It wasn’t the first time; Taylor had noticed his behaviour many times. It was like a back and forth between his normal self and another state of mind that he would never talk about. It was coming back once again lately and she wasn’t sure how to react to that, she didn’t even know if she should talk to him about it. Gabriella was aware of it, she had always been. She had been the first one to know Chad had asked her out and since then, she would get every detail. After each date, whether it was with Troy or with Chad, the girls would always call each other to talk about it, giggling to no end. Best friends, they would simply tell each other everything and keep each other’s secrets. They had each other’s trust and best intentions at heart.

“The first time it happened, I didn’t think much of it, I mean… we hadn’t been going out for long, I didn’t want to bring it up, I didn’t even know if it was just him being himself,” Taylor said as she shrugged. Hands on her bag, she was looking down at the table. “Besides, it didn’t last long. But then it happened again, then he went back to normal, and then there was the summer…”

Oh, a bundle of joy that summer. Gabriella and the team had spent most of their time together, but maybe the work and what was going on with her own boyfriend had taken her attention away. After leaving Troy and Lava Spring, she had called Taylor and they had talked about their respective relationships most of the night. The most surprising thing in that conversation had been when Taylor had revealed the thought of leaving Chad had crossed her mind as well. It seemed like it came out of nowhere, but with some explanation, it had started to make more sense.

Taylor had told her about his behaviour coming back, how he would barely look at her in the eye, he would be lost in his thoughts and only pretend to be listening to her, he would only kiss her on the cheek, barely ever hold her hand. Chad wasn’t much into displaying his affection in public, but he wasn’t shy either, especially when his friends were around, he would then hold her more than when they were out on a date. They also would never really run out of things to talk about despite their different interests. He always had something to say, no matter how important it was. When this strange side of him would come back, he would barely say a word, he only seemed to be reacting to what Taylor would do or say.

Rightfully, the only thing Taylor was reproaching herself had been not asking questions about it, even just to know if he was doing alright. She didn’t ask if there was a problem, she kept everything in despite not understanding him at all. But, following Gabriella’s and her sisters’ advice, she had asked him to spend the night at her place and they had talked for a while. It hadn’t been that long, Chad was clearly not engaging in the conversation, but it had at least cleared the air.

She had told him that she felt like he was slipping through her fingers, that they couldn’t connect anymore. If he seemed upset or sad, she hadn’t been able to tell. He had assured her that he was fine, just upset about Troy, but that wasn’t it. He didn’t have a hard time expressing his feelings about that. So, she had compared his behaviour to the previous time he had been acting that way. He seemed flustered and told her he didn’t know what she was talking about. She talked about how he would seem very happy sometimes, especially when they were all together, even when they had to dance. He would laugh a lot, have fun, he’d joke around with Ryan a lot, he’d dance with everyone and showed that he was happy to participate in the show. But whenever they would be alone together, he would close off once again. Worming his feelings out of him was harder than anything she had every tried.

“He told me it was fine, that there was no problem… my sisters called bull and sometimes, I feel like they’re right.”

“You haven’t brought it up again with him?”

“I thought I would have to but after the movie on Monday, everything was going fine again. And with what happened to Ryan, I didn’t try to bring it up. He’s really nervous about what happened I think, so I get that he’s not focused on us as much right now.”

“Still… We’re all worried for Ryan, and we’re all here for him. He’s out of harm’s way and you saw him lately, I’m sure he’s going to be fine. I think it’s fair to think that everything should go back to normal. That’s also what Ryan wants. So Chad shouldn’t worry that much.” Taylor rolled her eyes at those last words.

“You know Chad, he’s very protective.” Gabriella had a soundless laugh as she shook her head.

“Overprotective of his friends, yes, that’s him alright... It’s not a flaw, I don't think. But you can’t erase the ones he has because of it.”

“I know, and I don’t want to erase them. And I don’t want him to completely change for me. I want him as a whole, not just for his charming side. I’d just like it if he could… open up a little. It’s not too much to ask.”

“He doesn’t even do it with Troy,” Gabriella said. Taylor slightly frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“Troy said he didn’t notice anything about his behaviour.”

“You told him about it?” Gabriella quickly shook her hands in front of her.

“Not really, no, not everything, I just asked how Chad was doing lately, if he seemed weird like in August. You know that Troy noticed his behaviour at the time. But that’s the only time he did. Right now, he says Chad is acting normally. And he also said that if something’s really going on, it probably has nothing to do with you or your relationship.”

“Yeah but if he says Chad’s acting as usual, maybe it’s just like I thought. He’s only acting weird around me, just like the other times. In August, it was worse, I’m sure that’s the only reason why Troy noticed... And clearly, he’s keeping that to himself. Maybe he just doesn’t want Troy to know either,” Taylor sighed.

“He asked me if I wanted him to talk to Chad about it, but I said no. Do you want me to ask him to do it?” Taylor slowly shook her head.

“No, I don’t want to involve anyone else in this, especially not his best friend. I’m glad we can talk about it, there’s not much we can do anyway. Maybe I’ll try to talk to him.”

“Tomorrow?”

“No, not right now. You know what’s coming up,” she said more quietly and it took Gabriella a few seconds to realize what her friend was talking about.

“Oh, right… When is it?” She said as she looked at her phone, checking the date.

“On Monday. Maybe that’s why he’s becoming distant again; he’s probably having a hard time. I don’t want to put more pressure on him; I should be by his side right now.” Gabriella nodded.

“Does he talk about it, sometimes?”

“Oh no, that’s a no-no with him,” Taylor said, thinking about the couple of times she had tried to bring it up in conversations. “His mother seems more open on the matter but again, it feels like… he wants to keep it to himself, like a secret. I feel like it’d be easier for him to just talk about it, even once. I feel like it could alleviate some of his pain.”

“Well, he’s going to have to be here on Monday so… let’s just try to stay by his side, maybe distract him a little.” Taylor nodded.

“That’s all we can do. I think he’s going to see him after school, your know…” Gabriella nodded. “He’s probably going to think about it all day. He doesn’t want me to go with him and I get that. His mother invited me to eat with them later that day but that’s it.” Gabriella slightly leaned forwards, grabbing Taylor’s hand with her own.

“It’s going to be just fine. Give him some time. It seems like it’s been a long time but… he’s still grieving, I’m sure everything’s going to be alright after that.”

“I hope so…”

* * *

Troy was staring at the shirtless boy on the other side of the room. Well, not really at him, but in his direction, at something specific. He had stopped moving and had been standing there a while now.

“Dude.” Chad tapped his upper arm, getting him back on planet Earth. “The hell are you doing?”

“What?”

Chad looked in the direction of the other players before he glanced at Troy.

“What are you doing?” he repeated slowly.

“Oh, um…” Troy straightened a bit and cleared his throat, hiding his hands in his pockets. “Nothing, I just…” He seemed perturbed and Chad raised a brow, conflicting thoughts entering his mind.

“You?”

“I just noticed… look at Stevens,” he said, nodding towards one of the boys, “tell me if you see it.”

“See what?” Chad asked, a bit weirded out and holding his ball close. His eyes stopped on their teammate but he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to look for. After a short moment, he got a hint.

“Look at his hands.”

Chad frowned and looked down. Now, he saw it. They both turned at the same time, their back now facing the few students near the lockers.

“A rash, maybe,” Chad suggested, lowering his tone.

“Maybe. Or he fell.”

“Weird way to hurt the back of your hands.”

“I know.” That was the problem. Obviously, they just couldn’t tell what it was. His knuckles were weirdly red, darker, looking… bruised. At least, that’s what they were assuming.

“Maybe it’s just the hot showers.”

“I noticed it during practice, though.”

“Yeah but we can’t just draw conclusions like that.”

They exchanged a look but before they could continue, arms surrounded their shoulders.

“What’s up?” Zeke asked quietly as well, startling them both.

“Nothing!” Troy said unnaturally. Chad gave him another tap as he shook his head and he got out of Zeke’s hold, walking towards the exit. The two others followed prompt.

“So, you didn’t tell us about this week-end.”

“Oh yeah, I’m free man, it’s whenever,” Troy told Zeke. “You know my dad’s always down if it’s about basketball.”

“Nice!” Zeke exclaimed, soon turning his head to look at Chad. “What about you?”

“Um, I can’t this week-end.”

Troy stopped and put a hand on Zeke’s chest to stop him as well.

“What?” He dramatically let out. “Who ar–”

“You and what have you done with Chad, ha, ha, I get it,” Chad interjected, turning to look at his friends. “I already have plans, that’s all.”

“You’re usually the first one to drop everything when we want to play,” Zeke said before he laughed with Troy. They started walking again, taking the stairs to get back to the hallways.

“So what are you gonna be doing to miss out on Zeke’s food?” Troy asked. Chad shrugged. The team was meeting to play at their friend’s and some were going to sleep over, including Troy. They had obviously invited Chad, but he had his own plans with Ryan. Yes, he wanted to go and play, and if he had to be honest with himself, had it been anyone else he would have cancelled.

He wasn’t sure why he didn’t want to this time, he could always ask Ryan if it was alright to see each other on Sunday instead, or maybe even on Friday, they could go back home together after school and… Actually, Chad had already thought about every scenario possible and his only conclusion had been that he didn’t want to cancel on him. He didn’t want to have him to reschedule, he didn’t want to bother him because he wanted to play with his friends. He was already doing so almost every day. And when it came to Ryan, well, they had a d– they had planned it a while ago. 

He had caught himself reformulating his thoughts a few times when it came to Ryan. Just so that it didn’t sound weird to him, so that it wouldn’t seem to imply anything else than what it was. So that he would forget some other thoughts he had during the summer. Or whatever.

“I’m supposed to hang out with a friend, we haven’t in a while and it’s been planned and yeah, I’m taken,” he explained. Again, he didn’t know why he wasn’t simply saying that he was going to hang out with Ryan. He just didn’t, automatically keeping it to himself.

The presence of other students in the hallway was helping him relax, he felt less scrutinized, whether he was or not. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned again.

“But, Chad. We all know we’re your only friends…” Troy said, him and Zeke looking, once again, dramatically taken aback, almost hurt. Chad stopped himself from smiling and pushed his arm away.

“You’re a funny man, Bolton,” he said. His friends soon smiled and laughed. Zeke seemed distracted, though, his eyes having caught something behind Chad.

“Anyway, I’ll see you later,” he said. Sharpay soon walked past the boys, accompanied by Ryan and Kelsi, and Zeke turned around, quickly following them. Troy went to Chad’s side and they watched him walk towards them, stopping near Sharpay who was at her own locker.

“His obsession’s gotta stop,” Troy said. Chad slightly smiled, his eyes going automatically on Ryan.

“Do you think his efforts will actually pay some day?”

“I doubt it,” Troy said, eyes still on his friend and Sharpay. She wasn’t even looking at Zeke who was talking to her, busy looking at herself in the mirror of her locker.

“Well, she does like his baking…” Chad continued, getting his phone out and opening it to send a text. He kept his eyes on the twins, his fingers automatically moving on the keyboard. Used to keep it under his desk to send texts during class, he just knew what buttons he had to press.

“Weren’t you the one comparing her to a mountain lion?” Troy asked.

“Hey man I’m not saying it’s a good thing,” Chad laughed, watching Ryan get his phone out and reading the text.

“Come on,” Troy said, tapping Chad’s back and turning around. Still staring at Ryan, he saw the blond quickly looking up and around him, finally finding Chad. They exchanged a smile and, walking backwards, Chad felt himself biting his lower lip. From where he had been standing, he hadn't been able to see the shade Ryan's cheeks had taken. He finally turned around to walk away with Troy who was looking at his phone as well.

“Ah, Gabriella and Taylor are already in the cafeteria,” he told Chad. His friend didn’t answer, only nodded when Troy gave him a glance. “Hey, everything’s alright by the way?”

“Mh?”

“With Taylor,” Troy specified.

“Oh, yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” Troy shrugged.

“I don’t know, I was just wondering. I mean… I don’t know, you look a bit…” Chad waited for a moment but the end of Troy’s sentence never came out.

“I’m what? Please, do tell.” Troy shrugged once again and Chad shook his head.

“You get the idea,” he only said.

“I’m not sure I do.”

“After this summer… I mean, weren’t things a bit weird between you two?”

“You’re one to talk,” Chad laughed.

“Yeah but I confronted the problem and fixed it,” Troy let out without realizing. He automatically stopped in his track, somehow knowing that Chad had done the same.

“What are you saying exactly?” Chad asked sharply.

“Nothing, I just…” He turned to face his friend. “I know things got tense, I was wondering if everything was fine, that’s all.”

“And you got your answer, didn’t you?”

“Chad, come on, you don’t need to get mad. I just worry; I don’t want you to think you can’t talk to me or something.”

Chad looked away, disconcerted. He didn’t like his feelings getting exposed and he sighed.

“I’m not planning on breaking up with her, if that’s what you’re trying to know.”

“I know that, I wouldn’t want you to. But there can be ups and downs. And lately… I just see how you act sometimes. Did you guys argue or something?” Chad slightly frowned and Troy bit his lip from the inside of his mouth. He hadn’t noticed anything; he was just going off of what Gabriella had told him. If Chad was acting like in August, then Troy would base his words on what he had seen in August.

“No. No, we didn’t argue. We didn’t… do anything,” Chad let out, blinking fast as he tried to find his words, now. He started to walk again, as if getting out of this hallway would mean leaving this conversation behind as well. Troy quickly caught up and they walked side by side again in an uncomfortable silence.

“Look, I didn’t mean to be invasive,” Troy finally said, glancing at Chad who shook his head.

“I know, it’s… whatever,” Chad grumbled. After a few more seconds of silence, he sighed. “You’re not wrong, there’s… it’s not going as well as you and Gabriella,” he mumbled, annoyed that he had to say it out loud, that he had to accept it as the truth, the only reality.

“Well, every relationship is different…” Troy said and Chad glanced at him.

“I forgot I was talking to an expert.” Troy gently pushed Chad and they both smiled. Their pace slowed down and Chad focused on the ball he had in his arms. “There’s stuff… it just gets on my nerve sometimes.”

“So she is doing something that upsets you,” Troy said.

“What? No–, I, Troy, I told you, she didn’t do anything. We didn’t fight, she’s not… she’s not the annoying one.”

“So…” Troy began prudently. “You are?”

“Yes! " Chad finally exclaimed, feeling a weight leaving his shoulders. "She, she hasn't done anything, ever, she's... perfect.” He breathed deeply, aware that Troy was looking at him. “I don’t want to get into it, alright?”

“Is there anything you can do? Or that I could do to help?”

“What do you wanna do, Troy?” Chad asked more quietly as he stopped, turning to face Troy. “Change me?” He sounded resigned and Troy stared at him for a moment, trying to perceive anything his features would give away. Now that he was taking the time to look at him, he thought that Chad seemed tired. “Take it upon yourself to fix what can’t be fixed, changed or even touched? ‘Cause there’s no need to repair it in the first place, it’s just always been like that? And you can’t do anything about it because I can’t either? And it’s killing me and I won’t let it get to me. Now, can we drop it and go eat something, please?” Chad asked, any appetite he felt before lost in the swirl of his previous words.

Troy didn't expect that kind of answer to a simple question, things sure got intense pretty quickly. He stared at Chad for a moment, eyes wide. Coming to the conclusion that he was simply speaking about his personality, his behaviour, he simply nodded.

Chad was the first one to start walking and Troy watched him go, staying just behind him with his hands in his pockets as they approached the cafeteria. At no point did his eyes drift, he kept them on Chad’s back, still taken aback by the sudden realization that something was actually going on with his best friend, appalled by the fact that he didn’t see anything, that he had been completely blind to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh this one was more of a filler, but the next two should be full of ryan and chad interacting, i already have some stuff planned out! again, really sorry for the time it took me to update, i've just been very distracted.  
> Also, I'm really really happy you guys loved the previous chapter that much, I loved reading your comments. I'll try to update faster than I did with this one but I tend to not promise anything when it comes to schedules haha. Thank you so much for your support !!


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